After the Great Britain Beer Festival, in London, all the brewery presidents decided to go out for a beer. The guy from Corona sits down and says "Hey Sen~or, I would like the world's best beer, a Corona."
The bartender dusts off a bottle from the shelf and gives it to him. The guy from Budweiser says "I'd like the best beer in the world, give me 'The King Of Beers', a Budweiser."
The bartender gives him one. The guy from Coors says "I'd like the only beer made with Rocky Mountain spring water, give me a Coors."
He gets it. The guy from Guiness sits down and says "Give me a Coke."
The bartender is a little taken aback, but gives him what he ordered. The other brewery presidents look over at him and ask "Why aren't you drinking a Guiness?"
The Guiness president replies "Well, if you guys aren't drinking beer, neither will I."
Full Version: Joke of the day
Ha ha ^ he had a point !
However Guiness is a stout
However Guiness is a stout
details aside, i thought it was funny
Joke No 2 of the day.
Tiger Woods drives his huge BMW into a garage in Cork, on his tour of Ireland.
There at the pump stands Paddy who greets him in a typical Cork manner, unaware of who the golf pro is...
"Top o' the mornin' to ya, sor".
"Mornin'", says Tiger as he bends down to pick up the pump. As he does so,
2 tees fall out of his top pocket onto the ground, near to Paddy's feet.
Paddy picks them up for Tiger, but he can't quite make out what they are....
"What are dey, son?" says Paddy.
"They're called tees" replies Tiger.
"And what will dey be fur?" enquires the Cork man.
"They're for resting my balls on while I'm drivin' " says Tiger.
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"Jaysus", says Paddy, "dem boys at BMW tink of everyting!!!"
Tiger Woods drives his huge BMW into a garage in Cork, on his tour of Ireland.
There at the pump stands Paddy who greets him in a typical Cork manner, unaware of who the golf pro is...
"Top o' the mornin' to ya, sor".
"Mornin'", says Tiger as he bends down to pick up the pump. As he does so,
2 tees fall out of his top pocket onto the ground, near to Paddy's feet.
Paddy picks them up for Tiger, but he can't quite make out what they are....
"What are dey, son?" says Paddy.
"They're called tees" replies Tiger.
"And what will dey be fur?" enquires the Cork man.
"They're for resting my balls on while I'm drivin' " says Tiger.
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"Jaysus", says Paddy, "dem boys at BMW tink of everyting!!!"
Just to remain on Golf, here is No. 3
A guy was playing golf one day and he got lost.
He saw a lady up ahead of him and went to her and said
"Can you please help me, I don't know what hole I'm on."
She told him "You are one hole behind me. I'm on 7; you're on 6."
He thanked her and continued playing golf.
On the back nine he got lost again.
He saw the same lady and went to her again kind of embarrassed.
"I'm sorry to bother you again but I'm lost again, can you please tell me what hole I'm on."
She told him "You are one hole behind me. I'm on 14; you are on 13." Again he thanked her and continued playing golf.
When he finished he saw her in the clubhouse. He went up to her and asked if he could buy her a drink for helping him out. She accepted. As they were drinking and talking he asked her what she did for a living. "I'm in sales."
He replied "no kidding so am I. What do you sell?"
She said it's too embarrassing to tell. But after he kept pleading to know what she sold she said she'd tell him if he promised not to laugh. He promised. She said, "I sell tampons".
He immediately fell to the floor laughing hysterically.
She said, "You promised you wouldn't laugh".
He replied
"I'm sorry, but I couldn't help it. I sell toilet paper. I'm still one hole behind you."
A guy was playing golf one day and he got lost.
He saw a lady up ahead of him and went to her and said
"Can you please help me, I don't know what hole I'm on."
She told him "You are one hole behind me. I'm on 7; you're on 6."
He thanked her and continued playing golf.
On the back nine he got lost again.
He saw the same lady and went to her again kind of embarrassed.
"I'm sorry to bother you again but I'm lost again, can you please tell me what hole I'm on."
She told him "You are one hole behind me. I'm on 14; you are on 13." Again he thanked her and continued playing golf.
When he finished he saw her in the clubhouse. He went up to her and asked if he could buy her a drink for helping him out. She accepted. As they were drinking and talking he asked her what she did for a living. "I'm in sales."
He replied "no kidding so am I. What do you sell?"
She said it's too embarrassing to tell. But after he kept pleading to know what she sold she said she'd tell him if he promised not to laugh. He promised. She said, "I sell tampons".
He immediately fell to the floor laughing hysterically.
She said, "You promised you wouldn't laugh".
He replied
"I'm sorry, but I couldn't help it. I sell toilet paper. I'm still one hole behind you."
How did dairy queen get pregnant?
Cuz burger king forgot to wrap his whopper.
Cuz burger king forgot to wrap his whopper.
Dear John...
A Marine stationed in Iraq recently received a "Dear John" letter from his girlfriend back home. It read as follows:
Dear Ricky,
I can no longer continue our relationship. The distance between us is just too great. I must admit that I have cheated on you twice, since you've been gone, and it's not fair to either of us. I'm sorry. Please return the picture of me that I sent to you. Love, Becky
The Marine, with hurt feelings, asked his fellow Marines for any snapshots they could spare of their girlfriends, sisters, ex-girlfriends, aunts, cousins etc. In addition to the picture of Becky, Ricky included all the other pictures of the pretty gals he had collected from his buddies. There were 57 photos in that envelope....along with this note:
Dear Becky,
I'm so sorry, but I can't quite remember who you are. Please take your picture from the pile, and send the rest back to me.
Take Care,
Ricky
A Marine stationed in Iraq recently received a "Dear John" letter from his girlfriend back home. It read as follows:
Dear Ricky,
I can no longer continue our relationship. The distance between us is just too great. I must admit that I have cheated on you twice, since you've been gone, and it's not fair to either of us. I'm sorry. Please return the picture of me that I sent to you. Love, Becky
The Marine, with hurt feelings, asked his fellow Marines for any snapshots they could spare of their girlfriends, sisters, ex-girlfriends, aunts, cousins etc. In addition to the picture of Becky, Ricky included all the other pictures of the pretty gals he had collected from his buddies. There were 57 photos in that envelope....along with this note:
Dear Becky,
I'm so sorry, but I can't quite remember who you are. Please take your picture from the pile, and send the rest back to me.
Take Care,
Ricky
LOL@Rhemy 
A psychiatrist conducts a group therapy session with 3 moms and their children. "You all have obsessions," he observed. To the first mom, he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy." Then he turned to the second mom and said, "Your obsession is money. It manifests itself in your child's name, Penny." At this point the third mom got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered "Come on, Dick, let's go."
The Amazing Scotsman - A tribute to anomaly's folks
A salesman drove into a small town where a circus was in process. A sign read:"Don't Miss The Amazing Scotsman". The salesman bought a ticket and sat down.There, on centre stage, was a table with three walnuts on it. Standing next to it was an old Scotsman. Suddenly the old man lifted his kilt, whipped out his huge member and smashed all three walnuts with three mighty swings! The crowd erupted in applause as the elderly Scot was carried off on the shoulders of the crowd.
Ten years later the salesman visited the same little town and saw the faded sign for the same circus and the same sign "Don't Miss The Amazing Scotsman". He couldn't believe the old guy was still alive much less still doing his act! He bought a ticket. Again, the centre ring was illuminated. This time,however, instead of walnuts, three coconuts were placed on the table.The Scotsman stood before them, then suddenly lifted his kilt and smashed the coconuts with three swings of his amazing member.
The crowd went wild!
Flabbergasted, the salesman requested a meeting with him after the show.
"You're incredible!" he told the Scotsman. "But I have to know something.You're older now, why switch from walnuts to coconuts?"
"Well," said the Scot, "Me eyes are nae whit they used to be!!."
A salesman drove into a small town where a circus was in process. A sign read:"Don't Miss The Amazing Scotsman". The salesman bought a ticket and sat down.There, on centre stage, was a table with three walnuts on it. Standing next to it was an old Scotsman. Suddenly the old man lifted his kilt, whipped out his huge member and smashed all three walnuts with three mighty swings! The crowd erupted in applause as the elderly Scot was carried off on the shoulders of the crowd.
Ten years later the salesman visited the same little town and saw the faded sign for the same circus and the same sign "Don't Miss The Amazing Scotsman". He couldn't believe the old guy was still alive much less still doing his act! He bought a ticket. Again, the centre ring was illuminated. This time,however, instead of walnuts, three coconuts were placed on the table.The Scotsman stood before them, then suddenly lifted his kilt and smashed the coconuts with three swings of his amazing member.
The crowd went wild!
Flabbergasted, the salesman requested a meeting with him after the show.
"You're incredible!" he told the Scotsman. "But I have to know something.You're older now, why switch from walnuts to coconuts?"
"Well," said the Scot, "Me eyes are nae whit they used to be!!."
How do you know it's 3:05 PM ???
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Leeds are losing
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Leeds are losing
QUOTE (Joey @ Mar 2 2004, 10:42 PM)
Leeds are losing
^ Oi ! thread carefully on Leeds; <_<
as far as i know the last game vs. Man U was a 1-1
draw that would cost them the title
COMPUTER FOR BEGINNERS
COMPUTER FOR PROFESSIONALS
AND AN HONEST PULL DOWN
Plus these Improvements
And an Improved Keyboard
And Finally...........the ultimate Windoze Keyboard
Some New Office Assistants.....
COMPUTER FOR PROFESSIONALS
AND AN HONEST PULL DOWN
Plus these Improvements
And an Improved Keyboard
And Finally...........the ultimate Windoze Keyboard
Some New Office Assistants.....
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