The point of this thread? Hell, I don't know, but seeing as the Chat thingy-oofer-doofer is no longer running I feel kinda isolated, cold and a little damp in certain areas.

So hey, here I am, just sitting here, thinking about all the other things that I should be doing instead of being on t'internet.

Apparently, I'm too tall to be a Ninja. Don't ask, long story.

That leads me to career choices. What qualifications do you need to be a pirate? A ruddy great sword, an eye patch, a parrott, a crue of motley sailors, sorted! Sounds expensive though, maybe next week.

So, whats everyone been up to of late? Any grim stories of treasure and plunder? Come on, share, lets make this a happy home.

*Begins to sing*

ALL BY MYS-EY-ELF! DON'TWANNABE ALL BY MYS-EY-ELF!


*SIGH*


I need to get out more.

I'm waiting to get one of my online poker accounts activiated, so I guess, I to am waisting my time away online

That is not true. Ninjas come in all shapes and sizes. I myself have been told by many a non-believer that there is no way I could be a ninja. Apparently they think you can't be 6'4, 260 lbs, and have an extremely large frame (not to mention pale skin, shiny golden hair and an aversion to large amounts of clothing) and still be a ninja. But when they get the pictures of me in my ninja gear standing over them while they sleep, along with the wallet that they "lost" that day in the park when they didn't think I was around, they tend to take it back.

Ok, so I only did that once, but it was totally worth it.

You had better not be messing with me. It has taken quite a while for me to come to terms with this fact and it is only now, some 3 years later, that I finally have the strength to deal with it.

I too am 6'4" and yet weigh aprox 185lbs, I have a history in mixed martial arts and boxing... gah, to cut a long story short, I KNOW KUNG-FU. Yet, when I applied to the Sheffield and District Ninja School they turned me down because I am too tall.

"Thats Heightist!" I screamed, but to no avail. Since then I have wandered the wilderness (aka North Of England), taking out rogue bandits and their like, just to garner some deep burning satisfaction from what was my ultimate goal, to become the White Ninja.

So now, with the news that you have provided, perhaps my dream is not yet over, hope springs eternal, and eventually that diabolical Fu Man Chu will fall at my blade leaving the World a better place to live.

*Strikes Ninja Pose*

HWWWAAARRRR!!!!

They didn't turn you down because you were too tall SNE, they did it because you're a Southern fairy, and you are not ready.

*pokes head in*

Did someone call me?

Southern fairy! Thanks snagster. Now I'm going to have that image haunting my dreams. Is he dressed like a Ninja Fairy? With sparkly wings? And that Dawn of the Dead head? Nightmares!!!!

AAARRRRGGGGHHHH!!!!!!!!

What am I supposed to say after that? You never disappoint, snee.

I know.

Lime green pimp. That's what I thought.

Only on Thursdays and Saturdays. Mondays and Wednesdays I'm an Egg, the rest of the time I'm Bub from Day Of The Dead.

Oh, Day Of The Dead! Sorry about that, Bub.

I think I found out why you arent allowed to be a ninja....

^ yep, it was a lot easier to say he was too tall then that he was a gay looking green pimp.

by the way i have been known to sit on the ninja advisory board from time to time. The Caamora's have some pretty close ties with the ninja community. But i want to make it clear i had nothing to do with makeitstop getting the ok, he came on the night of the Christas party and Bobby was so wasted he sign just about everything that night.

I hope you sacked Bobby.

Gah, I'm fed up with talking about Ninjas (for now at least, as I'm sure this whole Ninja thing will make a welcome return in the near future, especially when I try to bribe C4 with smarties to get me into the Brotherhood of the Ninja), infact, Ninjas-Sminjas.

It has come to my attention of late how many scary women there are in the world. For instance, there is a girl in work that strikes me as the kind of lass that if you were to sleep with you would wake up the next morning minus a kidney. Seriously, where the hell have these valkaryes come from? There was a time when girls were sugar and spice and all things nice, but now it seems you need a big knife and a lifetimes lessons in Martial Arts just to ask them if they would like to go out for a drink.

Praise the lord that I found Mrs SNE when I did. I really feel for any guy attempting to court any of these Frankenhookers today.

Am I alone with this World view?

Yeah, if I didn't like the female species so much my life would be tranquil.

I know some viciously bitchy ones, and it's all very back-stabby. It gets on my tits to be honest. But then, I do know some lovely girls.

Careful there, Ted - that might offend some of the guests.

Right. Of course, they ALL have lovely bottoms!

ITS THE BLOODY 27TH OF MARCH!

Where the hell is this year going?

Ok, chance to seize the day, carpe diem and all that jazz. What can I do today that I don't do every other day? Wrestle a bear? Clean my teeth with a hedgehog? No, both of those involve pain, and I don't like pain.

I know, I'm going to see hw many clothes pegs I can clip onto my face... no, wait, thats pain again. Why can't I think of anything that doesn't involve pain?

I have an idea for an endurance test for all of us here, but I have to wait until July, just because it will rhyme with what I have planned. Plus it will probably get me banned for being both 'vulger' and 'stupid', but hey, it will be well worth it... I think.

Anyone a member of Last.fm? No? Just me then.

Mrs SNE has a habit of punching me in her sleep. Well, I think shes asleep, I'll be quite upset if it turns out that she isn't.

I so need to get out more.

Boobs!

He makes a valid point.

So do boobs, you know, when they are cold.

Oh thank heaven women have some redeeming value!






Geez, about time someone noticed. Thaaaaaaaaank you.

SO...want...to...make...joke...about...women...and...kitchens......MUST...RESIST!

Anyways, don't start with all that 'Offended' women liberalism rubbish with me my (Texas)gal. As if you never discuss a mans 'Girth' when your with your girly friends.

You see, this is what happens when you give 'em the vote.

Try to agree with some men. See if I do that again. Um, snee, what kind of car do you drive?

No you don't, you're not catching me out with that whole 'A Mans Car Represents His Penis Size' oofer doofer.

Besides, I'm not allowed to drive.

I was doing no such thing! I was just curious is all. Well then. Ahem. La la la.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And stop it with the singing, we don't need no more rain, you hear?

I don't drive but i do catch a bus, that's right a bus

A bus? Well now. I'll have to consider that. I need new, um, friends.

Well, thats not very nice now is it?

What happened to the Rikie Lake generation of 'Its whats on the inside that counts'?

Here I was thinking that being bald was ok, kinda cool, I was down wit da kidz (and all that jazz), but oh no, looks like we got ourselves a prima donna. Too good for us now, huh, HUH?

Gah! Thats not funny at all. Sorry, my hearts just not in it today. Its a sad day indeed when I can't bring myself to take the mick out of someone.

You know, and all that jazz.

I would have thought that Caam's bus was bald.

You want to know something? On occassion, just sometimes, you really worry me.

Having said this, the idea of a 'Bald Bus' sounds very appealing. I'd be the conductor, 'Stone Cold' Steve Austin can drive, and Moby can be the 'light' entertainment. Score.










And all that jazz.

Uh huh.

AAARRRGGGHHH!!!

Bloody in-laws.

Mrs SNE's sister and her bloke have just been down for the weekend, lucky me. Patronising cow that she. But hey, just for the sake of peace I strapped on a fake smile and made out that all was ok. I hate being false, it isn't me (obviously... but you should get what I mean) but hey, particular situations dictate such actions, and, well, I love my wife more than I hate her sister, so certain sacrifices have to be made.

Tell you what, when they go on about marriage at school they sure as hell don't mention all this rubbish.

To top the whole weekend off, it turns out her bloke has SHINGLES. For those that can't be bothered to read the link, it is contagious if you have never had Chicken Pox (which I have, but Mrs SNE hasn't). This, to me, is a bit out of order. If he was unwell he shouldn't be traveling to stay with us, risk infecting Mrs SNE or at least given us the option with regards to if we still wanted to see them.

Gah, I'm just pissed, a shitty weekend in all.

Whinge over, honest.

Well that sucks all the way around. I hope Mrs SNE is going to be OK. I had chicken pox twice when I was seven. No fun!

^Yeah, she seems to be fine at the moment, thanks for asking.

Changing subjects though, I have been giving a lot of thought recently to male fnatasies: The Myth and The Reality.

For instance, lesbians.

The Myth: They are very attractive young ladies that hang around their homes all day in their skimpy underwear getting off with their girly friends and encourage any man to watch.

The Reality: They are big bruisers that have arms like wrestlers legs and are more butch than I am*.

So where did the the myth come from, because it can hardley be further from the truth?



*I realise that this is a HUGE stereotype and is far from the truth, but stereotypes are funny.

You're depraved. Should I go into detail about the lesbian couples I've known and nannied for?

That depends on if you have pictures to go along with the stories.

Depraved!

And YOU'RE point being?

Everyone jumps on porn like its a bad thing, and while I'll be the first to agree that there are some real shady elements to certain sections of the porn industry, there is no harm in the voyeristic nature of a porn watcher. Well, unless that carries over into real life that is, then its just wrong.

They provide a service, and as long as the rules are followed, wheres the problem?

Ooh, this hole I'm digging just keeps on getting deeper!

Didn't say I didn't like porn.

And you call me DEPRAVED!

'Kettles' and 'black pots' mean anything to you?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Is that 'Yeah, Yeah, Yeah' as in you know what I'm getting at or the typical answer of a woman who has lost an argument but won't admit it?

As in I know what you're getting at and you're pretty much absolutely right. I'm just not into lesbians. Didn't I talk about my love of Queer as Folk before? I have seen only the American version, though.

Neither am I, but its still funny to play around with societies stereotypes of what is expected of a certain section or class of people.

As for Queer As Folk, nah, not my thing at all... no spaceships, ninjas or serial killers, the cornerstones of any good TV show.

I'm in the mood for doing something creative (but not writing, not tonight, oh lordy no).

Does anyone want a new and original banner for their sig?